Mixed Emotions
by EvilNeko13
Summary: Bakura abuses Ryou for little things that he does. Will Ryou snap and do something he will regret later? R for language and metion suicide.


hello everyone! this is my first fic that I've actually posted on ff.net. so ya. not my first fic i've written, but the first that I've posted. okay "so what!" u say! "on wit da fic!" so here ya go! disclaimer: yeah yeah yeah! u all kno that i don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! if i did then it would be more violent. . a/n: just to let u kno...... // is Bakura thinking to himself....... / is Ryou thinking to himself....... so now we got all that cleared up here's the fricken story! ^_^  
  
Mixed Emotions  
  
//Hate. That's all I feel now. I fucking hate his guts! He just doesn't get it! I try so fucking hard to get it in that bastard's head, but he never listens.. ever. I get no recognition, no "thank you"s, no nothing. I hate him. It's so much easier to hate than love. Isn't it?//  
  
"Get up." Ryou got up off the floor. "Come here." The smaller boy walked slowly to his Yami. Bakura was angry with Ryou because he had gotten in the way of a fistfight. Joey and another "Tough Guy" had gotten into a fight and Ryou, always wanting peace between his friends, tried to break it up. The next thing he knew he was on the ground with a bloody nose. Bakura, frustrated with his Hikari, took over and swapped blows with the Tough Guy, winning the fight.  
"Why do you do that, Stupid One?" Bakura spat out. "Why do you always get yourself into things that you can't get out of?" Bakura saw the fear in Ryou's eyes. He didn't care. He felt that Ryou deserved this. "By Ra! Defend yourself once in a while!" Ryou looked at him sadly.  
"I.... I don't like hurting people, Yami.." Ryou whispered. Bakura smirked.  
"Well then, how sweet...." He said sarcastically. "You know, you're too sensitive. Let me toughen you up a bit!"  
  
/Fear. That's all I know. All I live in. He just doesn't understand! I can't hurt people. He likes it! I don't see how or why. You know, it's kind of like I'm scared of myself. A ruthless, uncaring version of me. He enjoys my fear.. my pain.. my suffering.. Why? Why can't he just love me as I love him? I've always thought of him as a brother. I don't know why I love him. But it's much easier to love than hate. Isn't it?/  
  
"Get up." The cold voiced command was simple but firm. Ryou, shaking in fear, got off the floor where he had been pushed. "Come here." Ryou took a deep breath and reluctantly walked to his Yami.  
"Why do u do that, Stupid One? Why do you get yourself into things that you can't get out of?" Ryou was on the brink of crying. He knew what was coming. Bakura wouldn't let him get by with being pushed down on the floor and then a few harsh words. "By Ra! Defend yourself once in a while!"  
"I.... I don't like hurting people, Yami...." Bakura's cruel smirk made Ryou's blood run cold.  
"Well then, how sweet... You know, you're too sensitive. Let me toughen you up a bit!" He saw it. Ryou always saw it. Bakura's anger always came just like a storm. An ominous, dark cloud rumbling, coming too close for comfort, and that had already passed. Ryou knew what came next.  
Bakura slapped Ryou across the face. It felt like lightning and sounded like thunder. The storm had hit.  
  
//Anger. Damn it, Ryou! You're such a fucking wimp! Do something, anything! Don't let me do this shit to you. Spit in my face, pin me against the wall and tell me how much you wish I was dead! Ha ha! Yeah right! You? You can't even hurt a fly. You're so gentle, so caring, so.. sweet.. NO! I can't do that! I can't show any emotion! I fucking hate you! You mean nothing to me!//  
  
He slapped him hard. It echoed through Bakura's head like a drum. He didn't mean to slap him that hard, but it just kind of happened. But, unfortunately, it only fed his anger, gave it power, made it stronger. He slapped Ryou again. And again. And again.  
"Defend yourself, Weakling!" Bakura yelled. Ryou only winced. Bakura slapped harder and harder. "Defend yourself! Fight back! Ryou, fight me! Damn it! FIGHT ME!!!"  
  
/Pain. Yami, why do you cause so much of it? Why does it please you? You tell me to fight you, to hurt you as you do to me. But how can I...? You're my brother, my darkness. You're.... me. Without you there would be no me. Without me you would also cease to exist. Please understand.. I love you. You mean everything to me../  
  
It felt like fire, like ice, maybe both combined. And the sting of his words..  
"Defend yourself! Fight back!" Ryou's ears were ringing. "Damn it! RYOU!! FIGHT ME!!!" Bakura repeated loudly. Ryou flinched as he saw the other's fist punch him in the jaw. Then a sharp feeling in his stomach made him fall over in pain. Bakura had kneed him. Bakura just stood over him, glaring down at him. "You deserved it. Someone's going to fucking kill you one day. You must fight back!" Ryou coughed a few times, tried to get up, but collapsed from exhaustion. He wasn't unconscious, just extremely tired, and too weak to stand.  
Bakura rolled his eyes and kicked Ryou in his ribs. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long sharp knife. Ryou's eyes went wide with horror. He tried to get up again but Bakura pushed him back down and forced him to lay on his back. He straddled Ryou to pin him to the floor.  
He grabbed one of Ryou's pale arms and slowly slid the knife along his soft skin. Ryou screamed in pain and arched his back. Bakura made a few more cuts in Ryou's arm and then switched and did the same with the other arm as Ryou screamed hoping someone would hear him. But no one did and Bakura kept cutting into his flesh like raw meat.  
Bakura stopped suddenly. His hands were dripping with that crimson liquid he loved so much. But it was Ryou's blood.. not his own.. he looked at his shirt.. It was red.. like his hands. He looked at Ryou and saw tears streaming down his face. And maybe a little resentment towards his Yami..  
  
//Guilt. What the Hell was I thinking!? Why do I pull this shit on him? My hands are soaked with his blood. My clothes are the same deep red. How could I do this to him? What the fuck did he do to deserve this? Nothing.. he didn't do a damn thing! And yet he sits there and takes it.. doesn't fight back.. just takes whatever I give him. He's a lot stronger than I gave him credit for..//  
  
Ryou laid there on the floor. Arms stinging, face throbbing, and sides hurting. He had had enough of Bakura's games! Bakura just stared at him, still holding Ryou's arm. Ryou yanked his arm out of Bakura's grip and pushed him off of him roughly. He couldn't take this anymore.  
  
/Sadness. Why does he do this to me!? What does he get out of it? I know I'll probably regret this later but I can't take this any longer! Will he like his own games?/  
  
Ryou stood up. Bakura was on the floor shocked at what his Hikari had done. He had never had the courage to even raise his voice to his Yami.  
Ryou walked to Bakura and stood over him glaring at this figure below him.  
"Bakura, I'm tired of all this." Bakura stood up and looked him in the eyes.  
"You deserve it, Ryou." He snarled, "If you're too weak to defend yourself, you deserve it!" He laughed mockingly "You're not going to do anything to me. You're so fucking stupid! You're too scared!" He laughed again but was abruptly stopped when something hit him. Ryou had spit in his face.  
"That's where you're wrong, Yami.." He pushed Bakura against the wall, fists clutching his shirt to keep him in place. "I'm tired of the crap you put me through!" Bakura laughed.  
"You can't even fucking cuss like a man!"  
"I don't have to cuss to get my point across."  
"I don't see your point." Bakura smirked. Then fire hit his face. He looked at Ryou in shock. Had he hit Bakura!? Yes! He had! Bakura couldn't believe this! Ryou would pay.  
"You're nothing but a coward, Yami! You're afraid of honesty. You're afraid that if you don't cheat at life you won't win!" Ryou smirked "You look rough and tough but once you peel away that first layer of skin you're just Bakura! Plain old Bakura! Nothing more!" He spat out. Bakura's eyes narrowed.  
"How dare you!" He growled. "You say these things to me and yet you just HATE to hurt people. Such a fucking wimp!" Bakura laughed, "You've never even fought with anyone in your life! Yet I actually taken people's lives and robbed tombs which, if I was caught, I would've been killed. My survival was based on hurting people! Can you really talk to ME about being a coward?" Ryou replied with another slap to Bakura's face. He got about and inch from Bakura's Face and glared into his eyes, hands still clutching his shirt.  
"Listen to me.." Ryou twisted his fists making Bakura's shirt tighter against his body. "If I were a coward I would've killed myself long ago to keep you from hurting me again." A tear slipped from his eye. "I've dealt with this everyday since I was nine, never giving you what you deserved. But now, that will change." Ryou kneed Bakura in the stomach making him fall over in pain. "Do you think I liked this!?" Bakura coughed. Ryou bent down and punched him in the mouth making his lip split and bleed. He then stood up and kicked Bakura in his side. "Do you like this, Yami!? Is this something you would want to go through every day for seven years?" Bakura said nothing but just sat on his knees, bent over, holding his stomach in pain.  
Ryou bent over and picked up the knife on the floor that was red with his blood. He rested on one knee in front of Bakura. He grabbed his Yami's shirt again and pulled him up enough to face him.  
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't slit your throat right now." Bakura lifted his head sadly and looked at his Hikari.  
  
//Love. It's strange. Strange as Hell! But thinking about this makes me realize that.. I love him. There's nothing else to say except I love him. I have made his life a living Hell for seven years and yet he's never struck me or raised his voice at me until now. He's finally snapped and now, because of everything that I did to him, he's going to slit my throat and we'll both die unless I stop him. I can't let him kill himself too.. not now after I realize.. I love him..//  
  
As Bakura lifted his head, Ryou brought the crimson blade to his Yami's neck. He pressed the blade into Bakura's flesh right on the vital artery. A little bit of blood trickled down Bakura's neck.  
"No.." Bakura whispered. Then pointed to Ryou's neck. He put a finger up to Ryou and it came back the same deep red as that on the knife. "If you do this to me, you kill yourself too." Bakura drew in a deep breath. "Take the Ring and smash it. I'll never be able to haunt you again that way." He tried to keep his tears back but it was impossible, he knew. A tear slipped down each cheek almost at the same time. "Don't punish yourself for something you're not guilty of, Ryou. You did nothing wrong.." Ryou slowly took the knife away from his neck. More tears flowed from Bakura's eyes, freely this time. "Smash it, Ryou. Smash it.." He whispered. Bakura took his Millennium Ring and held it up for Ryou to take.  
  
/Love. That's what I feel for my Yami now. In my anger he kept me from making a terrible mistake. A mistake that I would've overlooked until it was too late. I would have seen him lying there dead, dying myself. And then he tells me to smash the Ring to save myself? All I've ever wanted was to be at peace with Yami. To be able to look up to him as my brother. My darkness. Even though he hurt me, I've always loved him. And I always will../  
  
Ryou let the tears slip as he looked at Bakura holding the Millennium Ring up to him for him to take. He noticed how Bakura looked away from him, waiting for Ryou to take it.  
"Take the damn thing, Ryou.." He whispered. Ryou took it from him and slowly slipped it around Bakura's neck. Bakura looked at his Hikari with one question in his eyes.  
"Why?" They seemed to ask "Why?" Ryou smiled.  
"That's where it belongs, Yami.." Ryou then hugged his Yami tightly, never wanting to let go. Bakura sat there for a minute, eyes wide and mouth slightly open in shock. Then he wrapped his arms around his Hikari so lovingly it made them both cry freely.  
"I don't really hate you, Aibou.." Bakura said just above a whisper. "I.. I love you.." Ryou nodded.  
"I know, Yami. And I love you too."  
That day, Bakura understood what I felt like to be cared for. For five thousand years he never knew what love was. For five thousand years he felt insignificant and weak. All that he needed was for someone to care.. and Ryou did.  
  
So how was it? Did u like? Please R&R or Bakura will be mad! Bakura: *holding knife* hehehe.. EvilNeko13: *backs away slightly* .. Erm.. ya.. constructive criticism welcomed but flames will be laughed at and then fed to my goats. And believe me, they WILL eat it! They eat ANYTHING! Goats: MAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! 


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